After Sunday's appearance of Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Fox New Sunday the twittersphere has been abuzz. The topic of conversation that I've been following is the military policy of "don't ask, don't tell" (DADT). The overall consensus is that the current administration has been moving to slow. Secretary Gate's appearance did nothing to alleviate the GLBT community's concern that DADT wasn't going to be erased by Pres. Obama.
After an extended discussion on Twitter with one of my friends, he suggested that had a unique point of view on GLBT service in the military. Which, of course, he's right about that.
First a little history to explain why my friend would say I have a unique perspective on DADT. I am of course gay, and from 1986 - 1989 I was a proud member of the United States Navy. Since DADT wasn't put into place until 1993, I served having to deal with being asked repeatedly if I had ever had sex with another man during the enlistment process. I did what every other gay and lesbian before me had done; I flat out lied.
For the most part after my swearing in ceremony it wasn't an issue. I met a few other gay and lesbian sailors, and even had a few straight friends that knew I was gay. For them it was never an issue. They knew I was never going to make an unwanted pass towards them.
One of my barrack mates and I actually went to San Francisco to visit his family on leave one month. We would go to a gay bar one night and then he would drag me to a strip club the next.
I was enjoying life, and seeing the world thanks to the Navy.
That all changed in July 1988. While on a deployment with my squadron to get carrier qualified I watched the plane carrying my boyfriend go down upon take off. No one survived, and I had no one there to turn to because I couldn't fully be out about my relationship with my superiors or some of my other crew members. I wasn't even out to my family at the time, so I couldn't call home and talk to my mom about everything that happened.
The first 48 hours are still just a blur. All I remember is quickly gathering up all the log books and repair records for the plane to send off for analysis. I was swamped with nonstop work for those two days.
After things settled down, I went into a deep depression. It didn't help that I started heavily drinking to bury the pain that I was feeling. My few friends who knew what happened didn't know how to provide me with the help I needed. We were all afraid that if I sought help that I would be discharged for being gay. All they could do was try to be supportive as I went to a very dark place and made some unwise decisions.
Early in 1989, when on another deployment, this time in the Philippines, my world came crashing down even further.
After a night of heavy drinking with a fellow crew member, we passed out in a compromising situation. We were sharing a room with some Marines, and one of them came back to find us passed out in the same bed with with no clothes.
To this day I can't honestly tell you if anything actually happened or if we were just stupid and stripped down before going to sleep. I couldn't even tell you how we ended up in the same bed.
What I do remember is the two of us being roughly jabbed with batons by shore patrol and being told to get dressed. Once dressed we were handcuffed and led out of the barracks in shame. We were both taken to the brig, and put in separate rooms. They read me my Miranda rights and then proceeded to ask if I was a homosexual and if we had sex before passing out.
I was 22 years old, and it was looking like any naval career I hoped for was over. The only thing I could think to do was make full use of my rights and not answer anything until I could get back to our home base on Guam and talk to a lawyer. The only thing that I consented to was having blood drawn so they could determine my blood alcohol level.
What I didn't know was while we were being questioned, they had a forensic team in our room collecting as much evidence as possible of things like bodily fluids on the sheets. They evidently went over the room with a fine tooth comb. They never allowed us back into the room to get our belongings. They packed them up and had them waiting for us on the first flight back to Guam.
On top of loosing a person that I was deeply in love with, I now had the added problem of a possible court martial because I was gay and I had lied when I enlisted. Things were looking pretty dark in my world at the time.
Word quickly spread throughout the squadron about why were suddenly shipped back to Guam. That was when I first faced the fact that homophobia exists. There was a lot of name calling. The usual stuff like "queer" and "fagot." There were a few threats of harm that I reported, but nothing ever seem to be done about that. The majority of people just avoided me. It was easier for them I think to just ignore me than risk any possible guilt by association. Their silence seemed to cut me deeper than any of the names or threats.
If it wasn't for the few really close friends I had, I don't know what I would have done. Suicide did seem like a possible solution. Thankfully I turned to my friends and they provided what help and support they could. I'm grateful that with their support I didn't do anything as rash as suicide. Looking back I can see that it would have caused my family and friends more pain than seeing me deal with the situation as best I could.
After about four months of stress, and numerous meetings with my lawyer in the Judge Advocate General's Corps, the charges were dropped. Based on our blood alcohol level, our continued silence to questions of being gay, and no forensic evidence found the Navy decided they couldn't make a case stick. Two sailors passed out naked in the same bed wasn't enough to discharge us if we tried to appeal according my my lawyer.
In the spirit of full disclosure I will admit that I didn't serve my full four year tour. That of course is pretty obvious when you look at the fact I was in from 1986 - 1989. This is simply due to I started putting on weight. With everything that was going on, working out and staying in shape was the furthest thing from my mind. So after the events of my boyfriend's death, and the threat of being dishonorably discharged for being gay, I failed three physical readiness tests. I was so tired of fighting to stay in the Navy that when they offered me a honorable discharge which would allow me take advantage of VA benefits I jumped at the offer. Probably not the wisest decision, but I was ready to put as much distance between myself and all the people that had caused me so much pain.
So when my friend, who didn't know a lot of this story, said I would have a unique take on DADT he didn't know how right he was. All he really knew is that I had almost been discharged for being gay. The 140 character limit on Twitter and the fact I don't talk about the plane crash a lot makes it hard for him to know the full story.
That's why after Pres. Obama pledged that DADT tell would end, I feel that his administration is moving too slow to prevent other GLBT service members from experiencing anything close to my time in the Navy.
When I hear Defense Secretary Gates say things like, "The president and I feel like we've got a lot on our plates right now and let's push that one down the road a little bit," I feel we were lied to so we would vote for Obama. Gates went on to say, "It continues to be the law and any change in policy would require a change in the law. We will follow the law, whatever it is."
Gates followed that up with, "That dialogue, though, has really not progressed very far at this point in the administration."
So GLBT service-members now have an admission from the current administration that talks with Congress have not progressed to the point of trying to lift DADT so they can serve proudly and openly.
From my perspective, there's no reason Obama can't push Congress to include repealing DADT as part of the current budget.Instead of figuring out how much of the budget should be set aside for the cost of discharging GLBT service-members, Congress should find a way to include ending such a discriminatory policy.
Don't ask, don't tell has already cost us too much as a country. According to the Center for American Progress, the Government Accountability Office (GAO) released figures indicating that American taxpayers spent $190.5 million to discharge GLBT service-members during the first ten years of DADT. Considering the number of people let go, this is roughly about $20,000 per member discharged.
After further analysis of the GAO's numbers, it's now being estimated that they could be wrong in their estimate of the cost. When you take into account the cost of training officers and specialized training for mission critical positions such as pilots, the cost could be much higher. One estimate when you take such training into account means that we as taxpayers have paid as much as $363.8 million during that ten year period.
This is all before one looks at some of the mission critical positions these people are being removed. Under a Freedom of Information request and pressure from the House Armed Services Committee, the Pentagon released the number of language specialists discharged under DADT. From 1998 - 2004, 73 service-members were let go from their positions. Given that we are fighting a war in two Middle East countries it makes no sense for us to let 17 Arabic speakers and six that were training in Persian-Farsi.
While I was only a paper pusher in the Navy, I was in a fleet air reconnaissance squadron. I have an appreciation of the need of language specialists.
This is all happening at a time when people are ready to accept GLBT members serving openly in the armed forces. In a July 2008 a Washington Post-ABC News poll 75% of Americans felt that gays and lesbians should be able to serve openly. Majorities across all party lines felt that it was time for GLBT members to be able to enlist. Support from the Republican party has more than doubled since DADT went into effect with 64% believing it's time for us to be able to sign up to protect the country we love.
With support being so high for the repeal of DADT there should be no reason why it can't be quickly overturned. What further discussion does the White House need to have with Congress? I understand our economy is in desperate need of help, but how is it helping the economy to continue to force people into unemployment? During a time of war we should be accepting every able bodied man and woman willing to make such a noble sacrifice for our country.
In response to Secretary Gates, Aubrey Sarvis, executive director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network brings up some good points. Sarvis said, "It's not easy or cheap to replace mission critical personnel. And the serious felons we're now recruiting probably don't have a command of Arabic or Farsi, or know how to analyze intelligence."
Now is not the time for the Obama administration to be dragging their feet. Obama needs to step up and honor his commitment that he made during the election, and that he made again on inaugural day, January 20, when the White House website was updated to state that he would put an end to DADT. The GLBT community needs to make sure he follows through on his promise to us on this issue.
There is no reason another service-member should have to go through the pain and suffering that's involved in serving in silence. No one should ever be in a situation where they are afraid to seek counseling because they are afraid that once it is found out they are gay or lesbian their career will come crashing down around them. I survived it, but that's not to say that someone else would. My GLBT brothers and sisters should never have to feel that something as drastic as suicide is the best answer to get out of any situation they may be in at the time.
