Queer Musings

Life in Flux

I'm not really sure how much I want to share... all I can really say is depression is an evil beast. I've allowed it to let me get into tail spin that will take me a while to recover from.

I'm currently staying with a friend while I look for a new place to live. Things will be ok, it's just going to take some work on my part.

Sen. Coburn: Government is not the Answer

The neighborly Republican Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma tells a crying woman not to rely on government to help her and her husband. The woman just breaks my heart. She tells the Senator that his insurance won't cover assistance with eating and drinking that seems to be related to a traumatic brain injury.

The Senator tells her to come see him and he will try to see what he can do to help her as an individual. He this goes on to say that neighbors should be helping her out, but not to rely in government help.

Here's my take on neighbors helping out. All of us in the great nation are "neighbors" and by having a publicly funded health care system it will allow "neighbors" to provide the help that is really needed. This woman says she needs help with feeding tubes for her husband. What, are her neighbors supposed to make a casserole to puree and feed to him through a tube?

Most neighbors aren't qualified to provide the type of help needed in a situation like that. With universal health coverage that doesn't deny any claim made, our tax dollars help provide the help that we can't. This is just another tragic story of a how our for profit insurance companies are killing Americans with their "death panels" that deny claims.

via: [Joe.My.God.]

Time to Privatize Police, Fire and Schools

I've decided I'm going to embrace the right wing conservative view that health care should only be available to the people that can afford it. I'm only going to embrace this view if the right wing will meet my one simple request.

It's such a small thing really. I just think we should totally embrace the conservative argument that socialized medicine would be bad for the country. However, is doing so we should realize that socialized police protection and socialized fire protection are evil and must be privatized immediately. Also socialized public schools are work of Satan and must be abolished forthwith.

When someone's home gets broken into they should only be able to contact the police if they have the proper insurance, or can pay out of pocket to have the police investigate. Imagine the price of a speeding ticket now. Not only will one have to pay the fine for speeding, they'll have to pay for the police officers time in pulling them over. We will probably need to estimate how much gas was used from the time the officer pulled up behind someone, and they actually pulled over. Probably need to think about the cost of administrative fees to have the ticket processed through the traffic court system.

Is your house on fire? Hmmm, hope you remembered to pay your fire protection premium this month. I would hate for you to call the fire department and have them tell you "sorry you don't have the right coverage for us to come put the fire out for you."

Are your children currently enrolled in public school? Well I hope you make enough money to afford yearly tuition. There really is no economical sense in sending poverty stricken children to a school free of charge. Odds are the child will grow up to be a poverty stricken adult. They don't really need to know too much to flip our McBurgers for us. Anything they need to learn, they can learn on the job.

Now that I've gotten those ridiculous requests out of the way, I hope anyone reading this will take the time to stop and think about everything in their community that is socialized. Our tax money go to the government so they can pay for such things as police, fire and schools. Do you have any parks and community centers in your neighborhood? If so please add them to the list of things that are socialized.

My point is simply this, we've already embraced a system that could be considered socialism for many things. Why should we be so afraid of a government run health care system? Most seniors I know are happy with Medicare. That's a health care system set up and ran by the government.

Health care in this country is such a mess at this point, it's past time that we've taken a look at the system and overhauled it. If we don't overhaul the mess we've gotten ourselves into, then I'm deadly serious. I want my above requests to be considered by the right wing and the Blue Dog Democrats that are doing everything they can to stall, delay, and flat out put an end to health care reform. If health care is only for the rich and powerful that can afford it, then the same should be true of our police, fire and school services.

My Trip to Care Now

After all this time of not posting anything, I never thought that I would be posting from a hospital room. Yep that's right I'm currently in hospital and have been here since Monday night. Guess I should fill everyone in on what's happening.

On Monday I decided to go to Care Now to get checked out because I had a cough that just wasn't going away. I thought it would be no big deal. I would see a doctor, get a prescription or two and go home. Things were more or less heading along that path until they did a chest x-ray and discovered I had pneumonia. Since they aren't really set up to handle something that serious, they asked me to go to the emergency room to be checked out. They said that the ER might want to put me on IV antibiotics which they couldn't do at Care Now.

Well my friend and I trudged over to the ER so we could begin the unbearable wait for me to be treated. After about three hours of waiting and being bored, they finally got me in and did another round of chest x-rays. This is were things took an unexpected turn.

Next thing I know the nurse and the doctor come into the ER room wearing some serious looking masks like I'm infected with something scary and they're afraid of catching it. Turns out the latest round of chest x-rays not only showed the pneumonia, but it also showed an anomaly that is usually associated with tuberculosis. WTF!?! TB??? How could I have come into contact with that?

Needless to say they admitted to me and put me in an isolated room so they can run all sorts of fun tests.

Now I don't think I have TB, and so far all the tests are coming back negative for TB. So the docs are trying to figure out what I have. There's a possibility that I have some type of fungal infection that on an x-ray looks like TB, but we don't have a definite answer yet.

On top of everything else that's going on, when they did a CT scan a blood clot was discovered in on of my lungs. For that they have me on blood thinners.

Tomorrow they doctor is going to do some type of bronchial test. It will require them to all but put me under so they can shove a tube into my lungs to take some biopsies from the site that has the anomaly.

For the most part I'm doing okay. I am a bit overwhelmed by everything that's going on, but I guess that's to be expected.

Help Lee Help Homeless LGBT Youth

Sometimes coming from a loving family has made me blind to the fact that not everyone has a family to care for them.

Sometimes living in the 'burbs wraps me in a safe cocoon, and I forget that there are those that don't have a home to go to at the end of the day.

Sometimes we all need a reminder that there are some people that are all alone in the world. We also need to a reminder that there are organizations that are trying to provide some much needed help to these people.

My friend Lee created a wonderful video to help remind us that there are LGBT teens in desperate need of help. He's doing what he can to help raise awareness of the Ali Forney Center.

If you're in the NYC area please do what you can to help such a deserving organization. For those that can't afford to give money, there's other things you can do to help. They can always use new or "gently" used linens. They can always use volunteers to help with with preparing dinner, or helping on field trips.

Sometimes donating your time can be more valuable than donating money. I'm sure many of the teens feel that they are forgotten. By helping out with time you can teach them that they are valuable members of the GLBT community worthy of the love and respect that they are no longer getting from their families.

A Gay Ex-Sailor's Views on DADT

After Sunday's appearance of Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Fox New Sunday the twittersphere has been abuzz. The topic of conversation that I've been following is the military policy of "don't ask, don't tell" (DADT). The overall consensus is that the current administration has been moving to slow. Secretary Gate's appearance did nothing to alleviate the GLBT community's concern that DADT wasn't going to be erased by Pres. Obama.

After an extended discussion on Twitter with one of my friends, he suggested that had a unique point of view on GLBT service in the military. Which, of course, he's right about that.

First a little history to explain why my friend would say I have a unique perspective on DADT. I am of course gay, and from 1986 - 1989 I was a proud member of the United States Navy. Since DADT wasn't put into place until 1993, I served having to deal with being asked repeatedly if I had ever had sex with another man during the enlistment process. I did what every other gay and lesbian before me had done; I flat out lied.

For the most part after my swearing in ceremony it wasn't an issue. I met a few other gay and lesbian sailors, and even had a few straight friends that knew I was gay. For them it was never an issue. They knew I was never going to make an unwanted pass towards them.

One of my barrack mates and I actually went to San Francisco to visit his family on leave one month. We would go to a gay bar one night and then he would drag me to a strip club the next.

I was enjoying life, and seeing the world thanks to the Navy.

Trying a New Commenting System

While I don't have a dedicated and loyal enough group of readers that comment very often, I have decided I wanted to try a new comment system for Queer Musings. I am now using IntenseDebate to take over the comment system.

I saw that it was being used over at The New Civil Rights Movement, and thought thought it was a great social commenting system.

IntenseDebate looks to be the best commenting system around. With micro-social networks like Twitter taking off, I really wanted a system that allowed people to share what they've been doing on Twitter. Also I didn't like that the current comment system didn't allow for people to receive e-mail notification of other comments.

I've just barely seen the tip of the IntenseDebate system. It looks like there's a lot of settings and plug-ins that I have yet to explore. All of the posts previous to this one will be using the original commenting system. I set it up that way so the older comments will still be visible.

For right now the only comments that are going to be moderated are those that have certain spam like keywords, or those that contain two or more links.

One other thing.

We're all adults here, so I didn't set the profanity filter. Lord knows I'm not opposed to the occasional swear word, I was in the Navy after all so I do know how to swear with the best of them. I would, however, ask that any profanity be kept to a minimum.

UPDATE!

I'm having problems getting IntenseDebate to work at the moment, so we're back to the old TypePad Connect system. It's a little to late at night for me to try and figure out what's wrong.

The Trials of Ted Haggard

I just finished watching HBO's The Trials of Ted Haggard. While it didn't change how I feel about the former pastor, I do hope that it left America realizing that there is a huge hypocrisy at work in the evangelical community. I'm left with the feeling that Ted knew all along that this hypocrisy could lead to his downfall.

One of the first things that stuck with me, was his discussion about the church is a business.

Churches are not just spiritual bodies. They are corporations. They're businesses.

And you were bad for business. [Alexandra Pelosi]

Well, I think if they would have been chess players instead of checkers players, they would have realized that I am their business. Somebody struggling with sin is the purpose that the church is on earth. The church is on earth here to help people with their sin problem.

In the spirit of full disclosure I feel it is necessary to point out that while I was brought up Christian, I am no longer one. I follow a more pagan path in my belief.

Having said that, what I've always taken from the bible is Christ would not stand by and let the church abandon Ted Haggard the way they did. Christ was willing to go out among the outcast, the downtrodden, and yes, even the sinners to preach to good word of God. Ted Haggard by sinning would have been one that Jesus would have sought out in order to help him overcome his sin.

What does this make the church that Haggard led?

Just what he called it. A business. A corporation. And by being focused more on the business of the church and not the message of Christ, they have become hypocrites. There's no way that any preacher of that church should be able to stand up there and talk about repenting of any sin, no matter how big or small while they allow Ted to be exiled from their presence.

I'm not letting Haggard of the hook that easy by placing all of the hypocrisy on the church. He's guilty of it in his own way.

And it's because -- See, the reason kept my personal struggle a secret is because I feared that my friends would reject me and abandon me and kick me out and that the church would exile me and excommunicate me. And that happened and more.

I take this as an admission that he knew he could never have come forward with his struggle. He is admitting that he had to be a hypocrite and preach of Christ's love and devotion to the sinner, knowing he was one and that the church would drop him like a hot potato.

I don't think we really learned anything new or even revealing about the trials of Ted Haggard. I would like to think that maybe, just maybe he's become a more compassionate Christian.Haggard still feels that God's will is for man and woman to be together. I just hope that while it appears he still views homosexuality as a sin, the GLBT community should still be made to feel welcome in this world that we share.

Winter Night

I couldn't sleep so I figured I would do something other than watch TV. Sure I could have read a book, but I figured I would see if I could get a decent night shot from my balcony.

I had never really tried playing around with my camera in manual mode. So I whipped out the camera, its remote switch, and the tripod and gave it a go.

If your a photography geek and like to know all the settings on the camera you can check my upload to Flickr. There you can see all the properties in the EXIF data. I took the shot with a Canon Digital Rebel XSi. I only have the kit lens that came with the camera right now. It will probably be a while before I can afford any other lenses to go with it.

The lighting actually turned out a lot brighter than I expected. I wish I knew more about photography. I guess I could have tried taking on that was a little under exposed to see how it looked. Just another thing to add to my bucket list... take photography class.

If you look really really hard you can see some of the ice and snow we got tonight. It's there if you squint really hard and look at the center left part of the shot. Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere that had a real winter. Then other times I'm glad I don't.

In What Direction Should GLBT Media Head?

Chris, aka hillboy8 on Twitter was questioning the current state of GLBT media. Specifically Chris asks, "But what is the state of GLBT Media? (or media by and for GLBT people)"

I remember there was a time, shortly after I came out after having left my hometown, that I saw every art and independent house gay related film.  I’m not talk porn, but films like Jeffrey, Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss, Leather Jacket Love Story, Boys in the Band, Torch Song Trilogy,  Philadelphia etc.  What I disliked then, is that all of the stories seemed to revolve around sex, drugs, or AIDS, or some combination thereof, peppered with self loathing, self abuse, abuse by others, or victimization for good measure.  What I thought then is that we are so much more than that and there’s more to GLBT people than those things.  I still think that now, but now I understand that those issues are kind of an integral and large part of many in our community.

I agree with a lot of what Chris has to say. Most of what's out there does revolve around sex, drugs, HIV/AIDS with a dash of self loathing. I think when it comes to media/entertainment in general it almost always comes back to sex at some point, so that's going to be in almost anything we view. When it comes to everything pointed out like the self loathing, self abuse, etc. I think it's important to remember that, as Chris points out, it is a large part of the GLBT experience throughout history.

What I would love to see is a story about how we've moved beyond all the negatives of being GLBT. Unfortunately there's not any that really come to mind. I think if someone was to do a decent telling of Stonewall Riots, that would be great. That was definitely a time in recent GLBT history that we stood up and said enough. We're not going to be a victim any longer.

In general, I think it's just important to see real GLBT couples on TV. One of the most dysfunctional GLBT shows in my opinion was Will & Grace. Sure it put GLBT characters in American homes each week. But it didn't represent anything that I identified with as a gay man. To me it was the GLBT equivalent of Amos 'n' Andy.

Surprisingly one show that started moving in a direction of something I would find identifiable was Ugly Betty. When they introduced the character of Cliff St. Paul as a possible romantic love interest for hottie Marc St. James.

Okay, maybe I can't identify with their names, talk about gay.

I can, however, identify with them as a couple. For the first time that I can think of, America was introduce to the idea that all gay men were not over-plucked slaves to fashion. Then to top it off, it showed that sometimes those slaves to fashion fall in love with their exact opposite.

Being on the bearish side of the gay rainbow, but not attracted to most other bears/cubs; I really would love to have seen where this story would have gone. Due to future obligations of David Blue, who played Cliff, I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm really starting to ramble here. Let me just say, I think the direction that those who write, film, direct and portray the GLBT community just need to do so from the heart. Tell stories that are filled with truth. Tell stories of how we've overcome being the victim and how we've stood up and said "enough!" Tell stories that show couples as they really are. Sometimes both of them are over-plucked slaves to fashion. Sometimes they are both on the bearish/cubish side of the spectrum. And, sometimes, just sometimes the they are couples that are a combination of the two.